My Thoughts on Healthy Love
Now by no means am I a blogger, however I thought writing this down would give these thoughts a sense of permanency. Something i could always come back to reflect upon, when I need to.
While I was jotting down my thoughts, i reflected upon all the time that has passed.
My normal one page of journalling, turned into five pages. Despite the messiness of my writing, it did bring me a lot of clarity. So, in short, I realized the important role that day has played in my life, so much that I don't even know who I would be had I not have had those experiences.
Its taught me about understanding, and acceptance, and listening, and change, and vulnerability, in honesty, in communication, in commitment, in trust, in intuition, in priorities and, letting go. And that's a pretty long list of some pretty important things.
Now I am not saying young love is not real, you know it might as well be, but its most of a wildfire than a slow burn, which when you grow older you realize is not a good thing because the wildfire can quickly get out of control and everything turns to ashes. As a teen, this might sound exciting but as the years pass by, you realize that its not. you realize there is more to a relationship than love,and that no matter what the movies tell you, love is not enough. love does not automatically translate into compatibility, in fact some people may feel love very deeply but lack every ounce of compatibility there is, you know its the whole, "as long as we love each other it'll all work out", well no! no probably not! in fact I believe this is a toxic mindset in fact one of the reasons that a lot of people stay in doomed relationships. and as Oscar Wilde says, "the truth is rarely pure and never simple".
Facing the truth can be a scary thing to do, I've realized that its the only option, and if you struggle to know the truth, let your intuition guide you. trusting my gut is one of the biggest lessons of 2019, because its always spoken the truth when i haven't known how to.
Now there can be a million reasons for why a person doesn't accept the truth of an ended relationship, but one of the common reasons for staying is out of fear of being alone and often times that fear exists because we've let ourselves get lost in someone else's world instead of focusing on our own, where we have made that person our whole life instead of a part of our life. see i don't believe in becoming one with your significant other but rather i believe in mutual partnership. So making someone Else your everything.....is not romantic. Its just unhealthy for everyone involved, because you then depend upon someone else for your fulfillment and happiness and also, in saying that " someone else is your everything", is pretty much saying that you and your life in itself is, nothing! In which I admit, I am prone to doing time and again. through experience, I learn, and unlearn, and then again, I learn to have my separate interests, separate life, apart from the significant other.
you know Ive heard this saying that you have to be whole on your own first and although it might sound cliche, its sorta true. you need to be your own person. to me, it sorta goes hand in hand with independence? meaning that you are capable of thinking and acting and feeling without relying on someone else. now this does not mean that you you don't seek out advice or help from other people.
Not at all, I encourage that and I, myself I am trying to do that , but you shouldn't live thru someone else, and its also about having your own interests and your hobbies and your dreams.
Now these are just some of my reflections based on my experiences. its essentially my journalling note somewhat refined and shortened down.
I realised that some experiences brought me a lot of clarity "When we make that person our whole life, Instead of an important part of our life, that's a huge mistake that people fall in love make."- Yours truly, Me.
Love is not enough. if it were only about love, it would not be enough to keep two together. But rather, enjoying each others company, be not just OK, but actually happy with time by yourself and doing our own thing. People need space to breathe, and be themselves. you cannot live only for the purpose making someone else happy. A wise one, said to me "If you care for someone else before your own self, then who takes care of you?'
"Healthy relations are two complete people coming together sharing their completeness". although partially true, here's my take- "No one is truely Complete. completeness is like perfection. unachievable. we change on a daily basis and add on to one self. Being with someone else helps you discover parts of yourself. A significant other often wishes the best for you and helps you improve, and the other way around. Something that I have been fortunate to experience myself, and hope that I have helped her too."
Everyone can have moments of self doubt and even self hatred. Those are moments of weakness and do not mean that you don't love yourself. People misinterpret this message and think that they aren't enough or that they have to grow before they can love someone.but what they forget, self growth never stops! Working on oneself is a forever process. Does that mean they they will not allow themselves to love, and cherish another beings company, forever? Also, some people are a mess, but they know what they need to work on. they are sweet, lovable people. Some are inexperienced but capable of great love and understanding. although, I believe That there is definitely a need to know a core of ones self, in order to understand themselves, their liking and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, so that no one can mold you as they want.
this forms the very basic core to ones Self Esteem I believe, knowing thyself. That should be the top priority for life in general, not just pertaining to relationships. Not knowing thyself is what leads you to lose your sense of self when time comes. That sense of self, your separate identity, is the main reason the partner fell in love with you, and by losing that, its but obvious that the partner will lose their love for you. I myself am currently working on finding myself again.
I also think, a majority sees dating as two extremes. Either the relationship could be harmful, or perfect. The truth is, the best relationship is both at times. I have my fair share of issues,just like my partners have had too, because surprise! they too are humans. Forget the Idea, that you or your partner will be perfect . Yet, its a mutual desire to help each other to grow to their potential, you see?
You will never be perfect, you will never meet the perfect partner and your relationship will never be perfect. Humans are not perfect, most humans are not even sane sometimes, but whats common in all of us, is that we are on the path towards working on it. always, every single day. Humans are not hollywood'esque, and fact, most philosophers were sad loners. meaning, take their ideas with a grain of salt. Sometimes it feels like that our throw-away society,flees into the minds of the old philosophers to excuse the fact, that we throw-away perfectly fine people as well.
you guys will love each other and even hate each other, think about your entire life with each other, and sometimes not be even sure that you'll ever talk to each other ever again. It will hurt, It will be messy but if you resolve your differences and overcome the problems, it will still be the best god damn thing you have ever experienced. its like, you building a car from scratch. you've put in the time to repair and maintain a rusty engine, rebuild its entire frame to your desire, and finally custom build your own car. the feeling is surreal, an you wouldn't trade in this car that you've put in efforts and built out of love, for a new hotrod, because you know the effort you've put in this beauty. It is not perfect, but its your kind of perfect, just the way you like it, Just the way your efforts have made it to be.
Older generations had that mentality, youngsters miss it a bit.
You have reached to the end, thank you for reading my blog.
Your's Truly,
Husain Kapasi.
While I was jotting down my thoughts, i reflected upon all the time that has passed.
My normal one page of journalling, turned into five pages. Despite the messiness of my writing, it did bring me a lot of clarity. So, in short, I realized the important role that day has played in my life, so much that I don't even know who I would be had I not have had those experiences.
Its taught me about understanding, and acceptance, and listening, and change, and vulnerability, in honesty, in communication, in commitment, in trust, in intuition, in priorities and, letting go. And that's a pretty long list of some pretty important things.
Now I am not saying young love is not real, you know it might as well be, but its most of a wildfire than a slow burn, which when you grow older you realize is not a good thing because the wildfire can quickly get out of control and everything turns to ashes. As a teen, this might sound exciting but as the years pass by, you realize that its not. you realize there is more to a relationship than love,and that no matter what the movies tell you, love is not enough. love does not automatically translate into compatibility, in fact some people may feel love very deeply but lack every ounce of compatibility there is, you know its the whole, "as long as we love each other it'll all work out", well no! no probably not! in fact I believe this is a toxic mindset in fact one of the reasons that a lot of people stay in doomed relationships. and as Oscar Wilde says, "the truth is rarely pure and never simple".
Facing the truth can be a scary thing to do, I've realized that its the only option, and if you struggle to know the truth, let your intuition guide you. trusting my gut is one of the biggest lessons of 2019, because its always spoken the truth when i haven't known how to.
Now there can be a million reasons for why a person doesn't accept the truth of an ended relationship, but one of the common reasons for staying is out of fear of being alone and often times that fear exists because we've let ourselves get lost in someone else's world instead of focusing on our own, where we have made that person our whole life instead of a part of our life. see i don't believe in becoming one with your significant other but rather i believe in mutual partnership. So making someone Else your everything.....is not romantic. Its just unhealthy for everyone involved, because you then depend upon someone else for your fulfillment and happiness and also, in saying that " someone else is your everything", is pretty much saying that you and your life in itself is, nothing! In which I admit, I am prone to doing time and again. through experience, I learn, and unlearn, and then again, I learn to have my separate interests, separate life, apart from the significant other.
you know Ive heard this saying that you have to be whole on your own first and although it might sound cliche, its sorta true. you need to be your own person. to me, it sorta goes hand in hand with independence? meaning that you are capable of thinking and acting and feeling without relying on someone else. now this does not mean that you you don't seek out advice or help from other people.
Not at all, I encourage that and I, myself I am trying to do that , but you shouldn't live thru someone else, and its also about having your own interests and your hobbies and your dreams.
Now these are just some of my reflections based on my experiences. its essentially my journalling note somewhat refined and shortened down.
I realised that some experiences brought me a lot of clarity "When we make that person our whole life, Instead of an important part of our life, that's a huge mistake that people fall in love make."- Yours truly, Me.
Love is not enough. if it were only about love, it would not be enough to keep two together. But rather, enjoying each others company, be not just OK, but actually happy with time by yourself and doing our own thing. People need space to breathe, and be themselves. you cannot live only for the purpose making someone else happy. A wise one, said to me "If you care for someone else before your own self, then who takes care of you?'
"Healthy relations are two complete people coming together sharing their completeness". although partially true, here's my take- "No one is truely Complete. completeness is like perfection. unachievable. we change on a daily basis and add on to one self. Being with someone else helps you discover parts of yourself. A significant other often wishes the best for you and helps you improve, and the other way around. Something that I have been fortunate to experience myself, and hope that I have helped her too."
Everyone can have moments of self doubt and even self hatred. Those are moments of weakness and do not mean that you don't love yourself. People misinterpret this message and think that they aren't enough or that they have to grow before they can love someone.but what they forget, self growth never stops! Working on oneself is a forever process. Does that mean they they will not allow themselves to love, and cherish another beings company, forever? Also, some people are a mess, but they know what they need to work on. they are sweet, lovable people. Some are inexperienced but capable of great love and understanding. although, I believe That there is definitely a need to know a core of ones self, in order to understand themselves, their liking and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, so that no one can mold you as they want.
this forms the very basic core to ones Self Esteem I believe, knowing thyself. That should be the top priority for life in general, not just pertaining to relationships. Not knowing thyself is what leads you to lose your sense of self when time comes. That sense of self, your separate identity, is the main reason the partner fell in love with you, and by losing that, its but obvious that the partner will lose their love for you. I myself am currently working on finding myself again.
I also think, a majority sees dating as two extremes. Either the relationship could be harmful, or perfect. The truth is, the best relationship is both at times. I have my fair share of issues,just like my partners have had too, because surprise! they too are humans. Forget the Idea, that you or your partner will be perfect . Yet, its a mutual desire to help each other to grow to their potential, you see?
You will never be perfect, you will never meet the perfect partner and your relationship will never be perfect. Humans are not perfect, most humans are not even sane sometimes, but whats common in all of us, is that we are on the path towards working on it. always, every single day. Humans are not hollywood'esque, and fact, most philosophers were sad loners. meaning, take their ideas with a grain of salt. Sometimes it feels like that our throw-away society,flees into the minds of the old philosophers to excuse the fact, that we throw-away perfectly fine people as well.
you guys will love each other and even hate each other, think about your entire life with each other, and sometimes not be even sure that you'll ever talk to each other ever again. It will hurt, It will be messy but if you resolve your differences and overcome the problems, it will still be the best god damn thing you have ever experienced. its like, you building a car from scratch. you've put in the time to repair and maintain a rusty engine, rebuild its entire frame to your desire, and finally custom build your own car. the feeling is surreal, an you wouldn't trade in this car that you've put in efforts and built out of love, for a new hotrod, because you know the effort you've put in this beauty. It is not perfect, but its your kind of perfect, just the way you like it, Just the way your efforts have made it to be.
Older generations had that mentality, youngsters miss it a bit.
You have reached to the end, thank you for reading my blog.
Your's Truly,
Husain Kapasi.
Beautiful writings ❤️
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